Friday, April 13, 2012

Living with Uncertainty

Isaac is home sick today. No real big concern at the moment, just a stomachache. Isaac has been complaining for at least a week or more that his stomach hurts every morning, I am not sure what is going on. Last night he felt like he had a fever. As a heartmom I always worry if this is signs of heartfailure this time or is it something minor. Most likely it is something minor, his color is good and he acts fairly normal. A few days ago he cried saying he was feeling sick and I told him he had to go to school, Isaac constantly feels like this and it's hard to know when he is sick enough to keep home. The part that had me nervous was that I noticed his legs looked pale blue when he was crying, although his color changed back to pink after a few minutes. I sent him to school and kept my cell phone close by all day hoping that he would be okay and he was fine. It has been almost a year since Isaac had his Echocardiogram and visit with his Cardiologist. Isaac's last report said that his Tricuspid valve still leaks moderately, but stable. We have been talking for the past few years about closing his fenestration from his fontan by doing a heart catherization, I will have to wait to see what the Cardiologist says this time. Isaac is scheduled to have his annual visit on May 10th. I get a little nervous as it approaches thinking of what the next step may be. I just hope and pray that Isaac is given the clean bill of health signal and told to come back in a year. I naturally worry because I am always hearing reports of other heartkids not doing as well as him, and I wonder when he will be needing the next step. I know that with his heart condition I am not being unrealistic, I just have to hope and pray that we are able to make the most of the time Isaac has here on earth, and not forget that my girls or anybody have any guarantees to live longer, and we all need to make the most of the time we have. We all live with uncertainty, some of us are just more aware of it.